Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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