I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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