woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
