K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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