So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
