His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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