I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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