u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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