I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize