Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
