I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
