we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
