A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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