I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
