I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
