Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
