if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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