Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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