She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
