Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize