After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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