Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
