OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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