I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
