I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
