So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
