What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
