can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
