No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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