Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
