We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
