So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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