Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
