sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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