im drinking this country out of the recession.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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