My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dicks are not precious.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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