Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mom said you looked used
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize