Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
