Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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