You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
