Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
