i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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