Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize