Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
