he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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