Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
