This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
