just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
