All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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