Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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