Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
