Yo dont text me then not text me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
