p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
