If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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