you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize