So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
