How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
