people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
