you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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