How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
