the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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