Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
