yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
