im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
