I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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