Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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